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"Women are From Venus and Men
are From Mars"
Author, John Gray, wrote:
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"The length of time required to
heal a hurt tends to go hand in hand with how long the mistake was made".
What can we do about that? |
The Effect
of Teamwork
I recall a Malay teach I had while I was in the Secondary level.
Strangely, in a culture where all males at his age were already married,
our good looking, Encik Sulaiman, was still single.
During one of his Bahasa
Malaysia (BM) lessons, we were each required to stand up and make a
sentence with a word in our text book.
One of my cheeky
classmates, Fong Lan, started the ball rolling, when she formed a sentence
that encouraged Encik Sulaiman to settle down. It was a classroom of
about 20 to 30 pupils but one after another of his students managed to
create sentences to the same effect.
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When it was my turn to make a sentence, you could feel the suspense in the
classroom; as I was his worst pupil in BM. With my heart pounding
very hard, I managed to pull through my part with cheers from my
classmates.
We could see Encik Sulaiman
wiping off tears from his eyes. We have moved him so much that not
too long after our team effort, he tied the knot.
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What Can We Learn From This
Experience? |
Spread Positive Messages For
Someone |
Positive words of encouragement will produce positive action.
- When advising someone
you care about to change their negative attitude or behaviour, instead
of telling them that they should not do this or that, try sending them
messages or articles that inspire them to change.
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Who
procrastinate.
Who is stressed out.
Who needs motivation.
Who is spending beyond his
/ her budget
Who has difficulty
forgiving others.
Who has homosexual orientation.
Who feels that they are always unlucky.
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Keeping quiet about a negative issue is as good as cordoning the actions
that lead to it.
- Most people know when
they are doing something wrong. However, when no one is keen to
"rock the boat" by confronting the wrong doer, he or she will continue
with his or her bad ways.
- How many of you are
willing to approach a friend / relative who is cheating on his or her
spouse, to tell him or her that it is not the right thing to do?
If you are not willing to do it alone will you be willing to do it with
a group of friends / relatives who share your feelings? Do
something about it or forever live with a conscience that you have
condoned the actions of an adulterer.
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Who Has Emotional / Marital Problems.
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Human Nature - Remembering The
Child In Us |
Consider
What Can / Have Changed |
What can we do about that?
A
Teamwork Effort
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The grass is greener over the other side.
How did we, as babies, first learn to do anything? Don't you think
that, we started to learn because whatever we see away from us looks good?
We wanted to learn to crawl so that we can get to that piece of thing lying
on the floor, so that we can put it in our mouths to taste it, right?.
We most likely started standing up when we begin to eye things further
away from us, and try to walk towards it. As we grow up, we continue
to adopt this belief that "The grass over the other side is greener".
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Modern infrastructure has made it possible for us to know more people than
our forefathers. Companies expansion overseas mean that some of us
have to travel and we are exposed to a wider variety of people with
different personality and interest.
So, chances of a married person meeting and being attracted to another of
the opposite sex is higher. |
- Always praise your
friend or relative in front of their spouses whenever they do something
that you appreciate.
- Tell them they look /
smell good when they do.
- Encouragement is the
cheapest way to build up someone's self-esteem and will lead him / her
to do one step better.
- One little pin drop of
unpleasant words against someone can cause ripples of prejudices that
could affect relationships. Do not have it on your conscience that
you were the one who started the ball rolling in breaking up someone's
relationship.
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Temptations!! Temptations!!
Can you remember when you were a kid watching your Mom cooked your
favourite dish? As soon as she placed the cooked dish on the table,
you want to take your first bite. Mummy will always stop you doing
that because you have to wait till everyone were at the table before you can
eat. So, what would you do as soon as Mummy turned away? You
steal a bite! The only way Mummy can stop you is to put big sister to
watch over you, right? |
Our family nucleus has changed. We no longer live with extended
family. So,
- we do not have as many
family activities to occupy us at home.
-
cheating on your spouse is
easier as you do not have uncles or aunties or grandparents watching
over your change in activities.
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if news of the affair break out, you do not have to feel the impact of
your relatives' responses on a daily basis.
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- If you live in an
environment where no one approves or will accept extramarital affairs
and will confront you about it, would you consider starting one?
- Let us all remember that
keeping quiet about a negative issue is as good as cordoning the actions
that lead to it.
- If you are not happy
that someone you know is having an affair, form a group of friends /
relatives who also knows him / her and share your feeling to see what
you can do about it. Remember that your objective is to save the
marriage.
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I Like To Be A Prince/ss
When we played as kids, who do we usually imitate or choose to act as?
Definitely the good looking hero or heroine. As children we usually
interact very well with good looking people even when they are strangers.
So, it is very natural that we grow up wanting to look good.
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Once we are married, most of us do not take care of our looks. The
women like to blame it on child bearing and the men will say that they are
too busy to exercise and keep fit. Some of us even tend to take our
spouses for granted and do not bother to dress up or look / smell good for
them. |
- Highlight to your
friends if you feel that they need some grooming.
- You can do this by
showing them magazines and telling them they would look very good with
this hairstyle or dressing.
- Show them articles that
promote maintaining a good image and also provide tips on how to do it.
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Those Magic Words
Can you still remember those magic words that we hear when we were younger
that can propel us to do the very thing that we were told not to do?
They are, "Don't do it.", "You cannot do that.", "It's bad for you.",
etc. Usually those things that you are not supposed to do make you
feel great. And what do you do when you become accustomed to "that
unacceptable behaviour"? You hide your hide pleasure and lie about the
indulgence. Overtime, it becomes harder and harder for you to overcome
this unacceptable inclination. |
- The movies we watch
today in the cinema and the programmes we have on our television at home
are not as chastise as the ones we viewed when we were younger.
- Internet also make it
easier for young people to access pornographic material.
- It is common to see hero
/ heroine smoking in movies they act in so bad habits like smoking is
viewed as "cool".
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- As studies show that
prolonged use of pornography leads to "sexual callousness, erosion of
family values and diminished sexual satisfaction, we must make efforts
as parents to guide and monitor what our children are watching. If
a downright, "No, you should not watch that!", only fire up their
curiosity, what else can we do about it?
- If we are able to catch
an illicit indulgence when it first started, breaking the habit will be
easier.
- In the case of someone
indulging in an extramarital affair, do not be afraid to "rock the boat"
because once the mould has been set, as in the form of an illegitimate
child, letting go of the third person in the relationship will be more
difficult. The victim will find it more difficult to forgive as
the innocent child born out of wedlock will be a forceful reminder of
the affair even when it has ended long ago.
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Playing Mummy Too Late
At one time or another, we have played "Mummy" as a child. We put on
our Mummy's clothes and cosmetics whenever we have the chance to get away
with it. We grew up looking forward to becoming an adult. But
when we become adults, we put staring a family on hold while we work on
advancing our career. |
- Women today do not start
a family until they are close to reaching menopause. With
advancement in medical science, it is not surprising to read news of
women bearing child in their 50s or 60s with either their spouses' or
donors' sperm!!!
- Will they and their
aging partners be able to tolerate or handle the stress of handling
young children when they are likely to be facing menopausal or midlife
crisis themselves?
- Will these women be
there to provide the guidance their offspring require when they need it?
Or would they have reach senility at a time when they are needed most?
- Will they have the
energy or the inclination to engage in the activities that their
offspring will be involved in as they grow up?
- Many specialists
recommend that women
who become pregnant at age 35 or older undergo prenatal testing for
Down syndrome. This is because the incidence of conceiving a child
with Down syndrome rises with increasing maternal age. However,
prenatal test results does not guarantee that the child will be born
normal. In cases where religion makes it a sin to abort an
abnormal baby, this means that the aging parent will have to cope with
raising a child with disabilities.
- Medical cost are getting
higher by the year and it further increased when there are complications
involved in delivering the baby.
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With the trend of starting family late in
life, these are issues of our future generation we should plan to address:
- Homosexual orientation -
an absent of a father or a mother figure or lack of parental love in a
child's life.
- The high percentage of
child abusers are mothers and biological fathers as reported by Harapan
Kanak-Kanak Malaysia. This percentage will increase as a result of
stress from menopausal or midlife crisis the aging parents will be
facing while bringing up their active young.
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Why should we remember the child in us? |
Is it not easier to forgive a wayward child?
We tend to give him / her leeway by saying that he / she will learn from
their mistakes to be a better person. Maybe in remembering that there
is a child in each of us, we will find it easier to forgive people who have
hurt us. |
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Why should we remember that the
length of time required to heal a hurt tends to go hand in hand with how
long the mistake was made?
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I
hope it will make us realised that the sooner we understand and do something
about the part we play in the lapses in our relationship, the sooner we can
heal the hurt inflicted and be forgiven.
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