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Little Johnny
A first standard
teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny
answered, "I'm too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the
third standard and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third standard too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's
office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher
he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave. The teacher
agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third standard
should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can
go to the third standard."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some
questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?"
Johnny, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not
have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Johnny replied, "Pockets."
Now no reactions or special face symbols on Johnny's face. He was so cool!
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants"
Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ?"
Johnny: "Coconut"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny was taking charge.
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
Johnny: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?"
Johnny: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "What is that a woman has two and a cow has four?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Johnny: "Legs"
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,
answer me.
Johnny: "Yep."
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do."
Johnny: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first."
Principal was looking restless and bit tensed.
Johnny: "Wedding ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good."
Johnny: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver."
Johnny: "Arrow"
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
excitement?
Johnny: "Fire truck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Johnny in the fifth standard, I missed the last ten questions
myself."
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A teacher asks her class,
"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them,
how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He
replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot."
The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking,"
Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are
three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One
is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third
is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the
cone"
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with
the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.
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Little Johnny goes to school,
and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is
your multi-syllableword?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're
thinking of a blowjob". |
Little Johnny was sitting in
class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use
in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a
sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says,
"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!" |
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's
car pass the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows
the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace".
Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he
runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly,
"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND
AND DADDY AND...."
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants
to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the
playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I
went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off,
then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...." At this point,
Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to
see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny
to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going
into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and
"....then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle
Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy." |
Little Johnny returns from
school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?"
"That's what I said!" |
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