Set The Boundaries

In the beginning of the relationship, let your partner know  what is not acceptable to you, eg:

• Violence 

• Addiction problems

• Lying 

• Infidelity 

If their perception of wrong differs from yours they will never know what it was that has caused a rift in the relationship.

Understanding That You Are Different
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

What Could Stop You From Forgiving?

Forgiving and Healing

The Offender

The Victim

• Take time to look at your feelings and your contribution to the problem.  

• Show that you care by listening to the feelings your hurt has inflicted on the victim.

• Share your feelings with the offender or a trusted friend.  In opening up, you maybe able to see if you too have contributed to the problem.

• Acknowledge your mistake and promise never to do it again

• Everyone make mistakes.
  

• Not forgiving can be as hurt as much as the act of hurt inflicted by offender. 
  

• Reduce the load in your sack.  Start on forgiving smaller issues to build up your strength to forgive bigger issues. 

• Make it easy for victim to forgive by apologising for your mistake.

• Make it easy for offender to change by forgiving.

• When you apologise you are acknowledging your mistake and making a commitment to do something about it. 

• Forgiving helps you to let go of the pain.

• Note that it is not an act of love to hurt someone repeatedly.

• To forgive is an act of love and strengthens that love and relationship.

• Do not assume that everything is easily forgiven.

• It is unrealistic to assume that the offender will never make mistakes again.

• In correcting your behaviour, you are sharpening your ability to give and receive love.

• In forgiving you are creating an opportunity to open up to give and receive love

• Seek professional help, if required, to correct your behaviour.

• Protect yourself from being hurt again and wish the offender well.

The length of time required to heal a hurt tends to go hand in hand with how long the mistake was made.  What can we do about that?