Everyone who has a dog calls his pet "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine 'Sex'.

Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex; he said he would like one too.

Then I said, "But this is a dog." He replied that he didn't care what she looked like.

Then I said, "You don't understand: I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took my dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. The hotel clerk said that every room in the place was for sex.

I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night."

The clerk said, "Me too."

One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, my dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there, looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets.

"But you don't understand," I said. "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married."

The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me."

He said, "Me too."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked me, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?"

I said, "I am looking for Sex."