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Ah Beng & Ah Seng rent boat and fish in a
lake everyday.
One day, they caught 30 fishes.
Ah Beng said to Ah Seng, 'Mark this spot so that we can come back here
again tomorrow.'
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, Ah Beng asked Ah
Seng, `Did you mark that spot?'
Ah Seng replied, `yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat.'
Ah Beng said, `You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat
today!?!?'
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Beng and Seng exited and locked the car in a
hurry, forgetting to remove
the key which was in the ignition.
Realizing the mistake, Beng asked, `Why don't we get a coat hanger to open
it.'
'No, that won't work' answered Seng.
`People will think we're trying to break in.'
Then Beng suggested, `What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the
rubber,
then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?'
'No,' said Seng. `People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger.'
The kan cheong Beng shouted, `we'd better think of something fast.
It's starting to rain and the sunroof is open!'
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Ah Beng, serving his NS overseas and far from
home,was annoyed and upset
when his girl -
Ah Lian, wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph
back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of
women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her
with a note stating the following :
'Regret can not remember which one is you........................
please keep your photo and return the others.'
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An Englishman, an American and Ah Beng are called
upon to test a lie
detector.
The Englishman says, "I think I can empty 20
bottles of beer."
BUZZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"OK," he says, "10 bottles."
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15
hamburgers"
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"OK," he says, "8 hamburgers."
And the machine is silent.
Then Ah Beng says, "I think ah"
BUZZZZZZ, goes the machine.
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Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if
he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
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Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18
friends?
Because below 18 is not allowed.
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How do you make Ah Beng laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where,Where got?
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show
it to her. So there Ah Beng was, telling and bragging the various functions
of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Somemore hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored
the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed
into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What are u doing?!!! U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!!! Wah Piang
eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai seh lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
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Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian
will get pregnant, so he approached his friend Ah Beng for advise.
Beng, "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms
and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one."
So Ah Seng took the condom and at night, makes love with Ah Lian.
2 months later, Ah Seng came to look for Ah Beng and told him that Ah
Lian is pregnant.
Cannot be what, did you follow the instruction or not?" asked Ah Beng.
Na-bei! Got lah. The box says 'Stretch the condom over organ before
intercourse', I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."
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3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army's supply base to
collect their underwears. Their sergeant was there to aid the
supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwears you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwears?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambhi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) What the hell you need so
many
for?
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